New York boys in the South
by ClownBoy
Summary: Danny has decided to take Flack on a vacation. Flacks knows little and Danny knows all. Maybe only pure fun and chaos can be created. This is a slash story.
1. Oh the joy of pouncing and headaches

Well, I have little experience with writing fan fiction so helpful reviews are nice. hint, hint Enjoy what you can!

Disclaimer: I own nothing except wheat and cheese crackers. If I did own them all the episodes would be slashy goodness.

"Wait, what? You want to do what?"

"Oh come on Don! Let's actually use our vacations days! Let's go somewhere NOT this city. Pllllleeeeeaaaaaaasssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeee?" Danny gave him his best puppy look. Ha! It worked.

Flack sighed and gave in. "Okay okay. Where do you want to go?" He better pack tons of aspirin because he was already getting a headache at the possibilities of things Danny could be planning.

"Nuh uh, you're goin' to have to wait 'til after work. I'm goin' to set everything up!" Danny leaned up to quickly peck Flack's lips. "Buuuut I've got an unfinished B & E to do so I'm goin' to go now. Love ya!" And that was it as Flack just stood in the middle of their living room watching as his love ran out the door. _'He has over an hour to get to work, what is he planning? Oh god where is the aspirin?'_ As Flack went to find his aspirin Danny was sitting in his car on his cell.

"Yeah yeah Mac, I promise to bring him back in one piece and I'll bring back some of that. So it's a go for our free week? Whoo yeah! I appreciate it Mac. Uh huh, I know Mac. Hey Mac? Has any one ever called ya "Mac-daddy"? Alright alright I'm goin' to hang up now. Bye." He smirked and started the car and drove to the nearest coffee shop to start the planning his and Flack's trip. _'Oh man, I can't wait. I wonder when the last time Flack did something like this. Too long probably. Wait, does he have anything to wear besides his suits and gym clothes?…hmm, SHOPPING! Before we go definitely. Just got to make sure he doesn't figure it out. Now where is that brochure.'_ Danny pulled some papers and pamphlets out of the glove department after he parked outside some coffee shop. _'This better not be one of those old lady places. Just 'cause I don't wear the pants in our relationship doesn't mean I wear the dress everywhere. And Flack has some anti-pants moments too.' _He walked in and ordered some regular coffee and sat by a window and pulled his cell out but meanwhile back at the apartment.

"FUCK! Where the hell are they!" Flack was on his knees and hands looking under furniture in only his boxers. "Maybe throwing our stuff around before sex isn't smart. Damn it, where are my keys?" He saw something under the couch and grabbed for it. "OH GOD! EW!" He flung his hand over his head and watched in horror as the used condom landed on some fake plant. _'Damn who knows how old that is. That's it, I'll find my keys later I'll call for a cab._' As he reached for his cell another cell in a coffee shop was happily being used.

"Yes, I'd like to make a reservation for one of your yurts for a week, um next week. I'll pay at the end of my trip yes. What yurt theme would I like? What is there? Victorian, Orchard, Safari, Country, Lake Yurt, Garden, Waterfall, and Gorge. Hmm,number eight would be nice, Gorge. Oh yes, umm the party is the Messer-Flack party…yes just like that. Okay. I look forward to it next week. Bye now" He smiled as went to take a sip of his coffee. _'Ahh, time to go to work. I wonder how Flacky's morning is so far.'_

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? THE GIRL DIED IN THE SAME ROOM **_YOU _**WERE SUPPOSE TO BE SECURITY IN! YOU BETTER FIND YOUR SELF OEN HELL OF A LAWYER 'CAUSE I'M GOING TO FIND THE EVIDENCE THAT MAKES YOU GUILTY BECAUSE I KNOW YOU ARE!" Flack stood silent and stared the suspect in the eye before turning abruptly to hurry the lab up on the tests. _'Damn it can't the fuckin' lab move any faster! Fuck I need a drink. I hate days like this.'_ He stormed into the DNA lab and slammed his fist on the nearest table. "You guys have had the DNA sample long enough! Where are **MY RESULTS?**" He finally looked up to see why the lab technician wasn't giving him the results and only to see Danny standing there with an arched eyebrow and coffee? Something's not right.

"Uh _Detective_ Flack, you're in the break room. And your results were sent to your desk yesterday. Oh and here have some coffee." Danny handed Flack a cup of coffee. "Tough case, eh?"

"Heh, sorry about that Messer. The morning has been…frustrating." Flack gave Danny an evil eye.

"Awwe, the poor Detective Flack. Will he need a wittle cheer me up?" Danny laughed as Flack try to be menacing. Flack just rolled his eyes and was about to walk out the door. "Oh and Don we're going SHOPPING after work! See ya then!" Danny walked past the frozen Flack, laughing all the way.

"Wha?…Shh..shh….shop…ping?…NOOOOOOOOO!" Flack stood there with wide eyes. _'He knows I hate shopping! Why do I need to go shopping! I have clothes! I'm the pants wearing one! All I need then are my suit pants and gym pants! That's it!…What is he planning? The last thing I need is shopping. And hello returning headache.'_ He left for his office, rubbing his temples all awhile.

Danny had waited around the corner until Flack had left. _' What my Don doesn't know is that we're not shopping alone. Oh no, only two people know about where we're going and Mac isn't the one shopping with us. MUAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHA!…Okay, Montana is giving me odd looks time to walk to some random place until I'm needed. Well what do ya know.' _His pager went off. _'My case is solved and finished AND I get another. YAY! Damn it, she needs to know when to stop starin'.' _He skipped off to the parking lot.

Flack looked out his office window just in time to see his boyfriend skip to a company car. _'Sometimes, I just don't get him.' _Shaking his head he started on his paper work.

And comes the end of the work day, oh joy.

'_OH YEAH! Time to gather Flacky, muahaha. I can't wait to see what he does. Actually I can't wait until we get home and he does his "I'm pissed off at you sex". Hmm, damn now I'm horny. Where is my detective horn dog? Ha, there he is.' _Danny slinked around a corner and crouched down to sneak on the detective.

"Well yes, I know that Mac but couldn't we I don't know, pull a few strings? Just because he's part of the legal system doesn't mean he isn't guilty. Yeah yeah, thanks any-**_AHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK!_**" Flack dropped his cell and flipped over his attacker onto the ground. He was about to punch the guy in the gut when his eyes widened at who it was.

"Well hey there Don. Like it a bit rough don't ya? Um, do ya think ya could let go? Snappin' my wrist won't help anything ya know." Danny sheepishly smirked up at his lover and right out laughed when they both heard a concerned Mac on the cell laying next to them.

"Don? **_DON! _**What the hell is going on! Damn it Don answer the phone!." Mac could be heard yelling.

Flack glared at his boyfriend before letting go of him to get his cell. "Uh yeah sorry 'bout that Mac. Danny here thought it would be great if he went crazed monkey on me. Talk to you later then. Bye." Snapping the phone shut he turned back to Danny. "**_What the hell man!_** I could have hurt you! You could have hurt me! Mac could have sent an army down here!" Flushed with anger he waited for an answer.

"Well jeez man, just saw ya standin' there and did something about it. Don't need to go all PMS on me man. What? Did a perp stick a frickin' pole up yer ass?" Danny turned away now, no longer in the mood to deal with Flack.

"Danny jeez man wait," Flack grabbed at his arm " Sorry okay? Come on please? I'm sorry." Danny smiled at him and Flack smiled back. "Okay Danny boy tell me where we're going. Actually I don't have my car so you're driving." Flack cringed on the inside. _' The reason we drive separate cars is because he has a thrill seeking nerve. And I'm going to die of a heart attack because of him.'_

"Whoo hoo! I'm driving with the Flack-ster! And you better warm up that credit card because where we're going you have none of. Oh and we need to buy some bug spray…in bulk." Danny smirked as he saw the wheels in Flack's head turn. _'Oh boy I can't wait until I show him exactly what he's wearing. I'm going to bet all my BVD's that Don here has never gone white water rafting. Oh buddy, I bet he hasn't been in Southern humidity either. And I'm bring the video camera too. He thinks that surprising me at my last birthday was big but this will rule them all…One ring to rule them all. One ring to bind-what the fuck? Oh that's right that hott actor Flower or Bloom something was in that movie with all the walking in it. Ha, Flack looks nervous.' _Danny just tapped his fingers along the steering wheel as he drove to the nearest all purpose store. Flack just squirmed and fidgeted with his seat belt as he tried to read Danny's mind.

'_He's either making maniac laughing sounds in his head or he's thinking of sex. 'Cause there's that glint. Reminds of the time we fucked on Mac's desk. Hmm, he looked so fuckin' hott as he moaned and knocked over Mac's papers. Damn it, I'm going to have a serious case of blue balls before this shopping trip is over I can just tell.' _Flack tried to adjust the tightness his pants were presenting. _'Damn only Danny can get me like this. The fucker, wait if I'm the fucker…so does that make him the…Fuckee?…OH HELL NO!…He didn't…He brought me to…'_

"Welcome to Wal-mart love! Welcome to the moment I've been dreaming of." Danny laughed at Flack's horror stricken face. _'I don't get why he hates Wal-mart so much. Hmm, haha that was a way to kill his hard-on. But I think I can get him worked up in no time.'_

Flack could only multiply his exaggerated fears as the on set of a new bigger headache.

Well! THAT mess is the first chapter of my first typed fan fic. I don't know if you enjoyed it but helpful hints are cool too. And this isn't really all that edited…sorry. Next chapter is the shopping spree of Flack's nightmares and Danny's day dreams…and Flack finds out where they're going and what they're going to do for a week. So until I get some feed back and type that up…this is TBC!…NEEHEEEHEEEHEE!


	2. Speedos and Wieners

-1WELL THEN!…People like what I write…YAY! does a happy dance…I feel loved…well here is chappie 2...

Disclaimer: hey do I have to do this every chapter?…oh well…as of now I own a rusty flute and wheat and cheese cracker crumbs….crap…

ONWARD!

They walked into the brightly lit store and inwardly gagged as the obviously fake cheery lady greeted them in. Flack shuddered as his gaze landed on the Wal-mart "mascot". _' That damned smiley man is EVERYWHERE! Why! Oh great, Danny's face is mimicking the cursed smiley man. I wonder if he knows that he mimics people and moods around him…hmm. HOLY FUCK! What the hell is he holding! Is that a fuckin' speedo!' _Flack grimaced outwardly at the disgusting neon yellow swimming wear.

"Oh hell no Messer. I out right refuse! What's wrong with my trunks at home? HM?"

"Besides the fact they are fallin' to pieces and were probably bought by your mother. Oh and speakin' of your mom…" Danny let his sentence drop as he tried not to smile as he averted his eyes from behind Don.

"What about my mother? What does she have to do with this crack assed idea of yours?" Flack gave him a side gaze. His eyes widened at the voice he heard next.

"DONALD FLACK! I'm appalled that you would even talk to Danny like that! I have no idea where you could obtain such a foul vocabulary. Maybe I should make use of that soap isle and wash your mouth in front of all these people?" A older woman declared as she glared up straight into Flack's eyes. They had identical eyes and shared facial features. She had an elegant poised air to her. She dressed in a simple knee length wool skirt and fitted knit sweater that brought out the softer shade of blue in her striking eyes.

Flack visibly cowered from the woman's intense glare.

"Sorry mother." He mumbled as he glanced down to watch his shoe scuff the ground. _'Danny is SO going to get it when we get home. My mother! Oh he is an evil man. But I can be too!'_

Danny was just standing off to the side and enjoying the display. _' Oh do I love this. I can just see the young child Flack in muddy shorts with the ripped t-shirt and cap with a muddy shoe tracks matching those on his feet. Awe, well I think I'll go rescue him now.'_

" Mrs. Flack," Danny couldn't help think that was funny and strange at the same time, "As I told you I'm taking Don here on vacation but he really doesn't have anything useful for this trip so you helping is much appreciated." Flack gave him the "I know you are part of this you ass and I'm going to get your ass when I get home and stop being so goody goody to my mother" look. Danny grinned back and steered them all towards the men's clothing section.

"Danny dear you know you call me 'mother' too. Donald stop slouching!" She whacked her son across the shoulders as he jumped into proper posture all the while glaring at Danny. "Your face will get stuck like that if you don't stop. And he's doing this for you dear so suck it up." She smiled as she started to grab clothing off the racks. Danny did as well. They silently compared and discussed selected items.

Flack could only look on clueless_. ' Maybe it's a woman thing. Eh, why is that group of girls giggling at me? Hmm, maybe they recognize REAL manliness and good looks. Yup, I still have it.' _He flashed them a smile and the sighs and blushing from the giggling girls went straight to his ego.

Danny and Mrs. Flack shared a knowing look as they shacked their heads at Flack hoisting himself on the "I'm a gift to the world" pedestal.

"Oooooh Detective Flack?"

"Hmm?"

"You didn't forget to pick up your prescription for that rash on your bum did you? The pharmacy is back near the front of the store." Danny shared a silent high five and laugh with Mrs. Flack as the giggling girls backed away from Flack and started to whisper among themselves.

"Oh do I hate you. Can we hurry up please? I still don't see the point of being here." Flack glared at his mother and boyfriend as they continued to pull clothing from every which way direction.

It seemed like hours as they bought random items including clothing, food, and outdoor activity related.

They only made Flack try one outfit. And it was worth it.

**# FLASH BACK#**

"Can it really take so long to put clothes on? It was only basics." Danny sighed and leaned against a wall as he and Mrs. Flack waited, tolerantly, for Flack to try on what they had shoved in his arms.

"Um, guys? I don't know if I did this right." Flack's head was sticking out of the dressing room. His mother motioned him to step out. Danny snorted as Flack to tentative small steps out from behind the door. Mrs. Flack rolled her eyes and properly swung open the door. And in all his glory was flack wearing khaki cargo shorts, a white under shirt, and to pull it all together a hideous blue plaid button up long sleeve shirt, which he had the sleeves pulled up to his elbows.

"Er, my knees are showing…" Danny waited ten full seconds before releasing his silent laughter.

"Your knees ain't the thing you got to worry 'bout the most in that." That was about all Danny could choke out before grabbing his side and tried to slow his laughter with gasps of air. Mrs. Flack rolled her eyes at both before ushering her blushing son back into the changing room.

"Dear hurry up and change we have one more store after this." Flack left them with a confused look_. 'Oh yeah, bug spray in bulk…I know we'll be roughing it some but there ain't one fuckin' state I've been where in the summer you need bug spray in fuckin' bulk. I look like some idiot out of some damn JC Penny catalog. All I need to do is pose against a white back drop. OOH WAIT! It's white in here!'_ Flack leaned slightly back away from the mirror and looked up at a corner while lightly placing his hands into his pockets. _'Hey! I was right! I wonder if I could make some side money on this…hmm.'_

**#END FLASH BACK#**

Flack winced as the total price obnoxiously flashed neon green in his face as he went to swipe a credit card. He listened absent mindedly as Danny and his mother animatedly chatted away._ 'And he slapped me, kicked me out and let me back in only on the promise of ice cream last time I said he was the woman. Really, I just want to get home.' _They went to Danny's car to load the bags in the trunk.

"So where we going next?" Flack uneasily asked, afraid of what was to come. He was taken back a bit when his mother and Danny didn't start to get in the car.

"We're going to get stuff in bulk and there is only one place for that…add dramatic drum roll…SAM'S CLUB!" Danny turned around with Mrs. Flack at his side as they headed off for the store next to Wal-Mart. Flack followed them with a dazed confused look.

"Do you think he's figured it out yet?" Danny whispered to Mrs. Flack. He looked back at his boyfriend while listening to the woman.

"I'm sure he hasn't, I mean I guess you can see that look he has on his face. It's like when he was a little boy and we would buy new furniture or get him a new toy. He'd get a glazed eye look and follow along until he knew what to do." They entered the door and Mrs. Flack showed the man her Sam's club card.

"…wow…"

Both Danny and Mrs. Flack both looked surprised as they turned around and watched Flack. His eyes danced around while taking in the sights of the store. They noticed a small little smile as well.

'_Well who knew Sam's could shut Flack up and make him one pleased fella. We should so go to the food section.' _Danny had his own little smile as they went to the back towards the food. ' I wonder, do they sell whip cream? Ooh, what about chocolate!…I looooovvvee choco--' His thoughts were interrupted by some rather loud yelling.

"HOLY FUCK THEY DIDN'T! THEY SELL FUCKIN' HOT DOGS IN HUGE PACKS! We are SO buying some!" Flack attacked the hot dog fridge much to the disdain of a poor little boy who happened to be near the area at the time. _'Hmm, oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer wiener…'_

"I can hear you thinking the wiener song from here Flack! Grab the dogs and follow us 'cause we're done!" Danny smirked as Flack followed like a little puppy but with his arms full of hot dog packages.

Mrs. Flack chuckled to herself as the boys bickered about who was paying and holding the goods. She walked a little behind them as they returned to their cars. _' He's always just so happy around Danny which I'm just so glad for.'_

Flack came over to his mother and gave her a hug and a kiss on her cheek. "Bye mother, I'll call when we get back. Tell dad I said hi."

"Bye dear now just listen to Danny and don't forget to leave work behind okay? I love you." She fixed his hair and patted his cheek. She then turned to Danny and enveloped him in a huge hug. " Thank you dear." She whispered in his ear before letting go.

"Bye mom!" They all smiled at that before getting into their own cars. 

Flack got in and looked at his boyfriend. "I love you."

Danny smiled and kissed him quickly on the lips. " I love you too."

He pulled out of the parking lot to their home. _' I can't wait until he sees the rental car.'_ Danny smiled to himself the whole drive home.

Yes, I know it took forever but school started.


	3. Locks and Keys

Oi vay. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. I KNOW where the vacation place is. I hate school. So yeah. An update. Make an attempt to enjoy. It was kind of throw together out of desperation.

Disclaimer: blah blah don't own blah blah not mine blah blah. Got that?

* * *

The two men bustled all their stuff from the car to their apartment. A few grumbles about stairs but it went pretty smooth until they got to the door. 

"Don, give me the keys."

"Don't you have your own keys?"

"No, I left first so I thought you would have the apartment set. You have the spares on your car keys."

Don reached for his back pocket when the morning's events replayed when he was on his knees in front of the couch.

"Doooon, hurry up!"

"Heh, I took a cab this morning. I couldn't find my keys."

The two men just stood there staring at the door handle.

"Oh…how great."

What seemed to be a day's worth of silence passed before Danny dropped his bags and sat down. He pulled his cell out and called for Mac.

Don jumped a little at the sudden noise and put down his bags, although not as rough as Danny, and sat down next to him. _'Why didn't I think of that?'_

"No no, nothing tragic has happened. Just don't laugh. Well, we just finished shopping. MAC! Chillax okay? It's not that bad, jeez. We're locked out……………Mac…MAC!…It really isn't that funny. Can ya stop by and pop the lock or something? Okay, thanks Mac."

"Danny, are you mad at me?"

Danny looked up from his cell and arched an eyebrow at his boyfriend. Don's softer side was always there but rarely up front. "No, I just don't want to ruin this vacation for ya." He laid his head on Don's shoulder and closed his eyes.

Don looked down at him and let a small grin escape from his manly man mask. _'Awe, he looks like a scruffy faced puppy. Ahem. Ah, that must be Mac.'_

Foot steps could be heard coming up the stairs towards the two men, sitting ever so pitifully on the cold floor, locked out from their apartment.

"I'd stand here and laugh but Stella claims I need to re-decorate my office or something. So excuse me fellas." Mac stepped over the two and around their bags to quickly pop open the door. "Next time, I want to come back AFTER you guys have failed to pick it open. It's just more fun for me. Enjoy the vacation Flack." With that he strolled back down the steps.

"It's like he slithers while walking or something. Gives me the creeps." Danny furrowed his brow while watching the last of Mac's shadows disappear.

"What the hell Danny? Shut up and lets get the bags in." Don rolled his eyes as Danny glared at him. _'Slithers while walking? Sometimes I wonder what goes on in that blonde head of his.' _He grabbed his bags and walked in after Danny, kicking the door shut behind him.

"Don?"

"Hm?"

"Why is there a crusty ol' condom on that plant Montana gave us?"

"Erm, let's just say instead of finding the keys, I found that."

"………Let's check how old it is when we get back to work!!!" Danny's eyes flashed that kid-like amusement at solving another mystery. A true scientist at heart. Don gave him a look that clearly said he didn't want a part on it. "Oh well, my mental gain."

"Oh well, my mind not further scared by your curiosity." Don mocked as he placed his precious Oscar Mayer wieners into the freezer. Danny crossed his arms across his chest and watched Don. "Oh don't tell me you're angry about _that._"

"No, I just like the view." He wiggled his eyebrows up and down in a suggestive manner while Don once again rolled his eyes.

"Insatiable horn dog."

"Hey!" Danny huffed and turned around to go to their bedroom. But he saw the condom and smirked, looking over his shoulder he saw, as he hoped, Don busy with the purchases. He picked up the condom off the plant and tip toed behind Don. He snickered and then launched the condom around at Don's shocked face.

"OH GOD! NOOO! EW! GET IT OFF! GET IT **OFF!!**" He flayed around frantically to try and get the condom off, which he was actually stepping on.

"AHHAHA!" Danny fell back onto the couch and laughed out loud. "Oh, oh…haha…That was **GREAT**!"

Don stopped suddenly and glared over at him. "Oh, I so do hate you."

"Uh huh, that's not what I heard last night."

"Again, horn dog."

"…Well I'm gunna go to bed…and let _YOU_, mister, unload the bags." Emphasizing the "you" with a poke to the chest, Danny turned, and finally, walked to the bedroom.

Don shook his head while watching Danny walk away, he winced and rubbed his chest. _'Ow, that poke actually hurt. Although, that view did make up for it. Hmmm.' _Licking his lips, he continued to put away the purchases.

"Dooooonnnnnnnnnn!"

"Yeeeeeesssssssss????"

"Guess what IIIIIII ffooooouuunnnnddddd?"

"Whhhhhhhaaatttttt????"

"Your keys!" He came back into the kitchen, now dressed only in in boxers, dangling the keys. He slipped

an arm around Don and dropped the keys on the counter.

"Where'd ya find them?" Don turned around inside the arm and began to run his fingers playfully through Danny's hair.

"On the key hooks in the bedroom."

Don dropped his arms with a look of disbelief. "You're kiddin' right?"

"Nope."

Don looked as if mentally slapping himself as they stood there in silence.

"I love ya you big goof."

"Grr, who am I kiddin'? I love ya too." They laughed and shared a quick kiss before both going to the bed room and bathroom.

Don walked from the bathroom, in boxers and a t-shirt, while brushing his teeth to see Danny smirking over a pile of brochures. Trying to sneak up next to him to see where they were going tomorrow, he got distracted though by a bird that flew by the window and tripped instead.

"Nice try Don."

"Hrmph, not my fault I got assigned with that case with the birds."

"Excuses, hurry up, you're getting toothpaste spit on the floor." He gathered the brochures and stuck them in a suit case and locked it.

"That hurt."

"Again, toothpaste spit."

Don just grumbled under his breath and returned to the bathroom. Danny laughed and got under the blankets and started to drift to sleep. Don walked back in and smiled at the scene. _'He forgot to take off his glasses again.' _He took them off and set them on a bed side table before turning off the lights and getting into the bed himself. _'Last night of peacefulness I'm guessing. We leave tomorrow. Agh, must sleep and forget. Danny caused chaos. Agh. Great, now I'm going to have nighmares all night long with the terrifying possibilities.' _He grimaced before snuggling closer to Danny and smiled when Danny automatically reached for him.

"Good night love."

"Hmm, night…nights…hm…ruve you….tooo."

'_Ruve?'_

* * *

So yeah, that's it. WHOO VACATION BEGINNINGS NEXT CHAPPIE! 


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